Intoxicated by life
you enter my clean body
You grab
hold on to every bit of flesh that pulsates for your touch.
My breath hovers over your lips
close enough to taste your wants
far enough to make you long for more.
Your hands discover the goosebumps on my skin
curious for how hard I can make you
My tongue tastes your lustful fingers
ready for me to open my body for you
And when you enter me
I shiver and shake
you moan and you howl
and we fall apart in a moment in time.


Your face hovers above mine
Your eyes lock into mine
Your gaze pierces through my being
I look at you but I can't see you
I know you so well but don't recognize you
I've tried to look for a home in your heart
A place for me to feel safe
But you have remained the stranger from before we met
A person I don't synchronize with
feel with
can be with...


And suddenly it got quiet
in the beating of my heart
in the blood running through my veins.
My mind rested when it was done fighting
I layed my head on a fluffy pillow
my arms by my side
and my feet turend open
I stayed like that for a minute, an hour,
for whoknows how long.
until I found the courage to get up
and live harder
love better
and command happiness.
I found stillness in a messy world
and peace of mind in a chaotic time.


And I dream of you
I see you
in the near future, sometime
And I meet you
in a place where I can be whole and honest
where you can be pure and strong
and we grow old
together, in harmony, in an inspiring space
with kids and dogs and love
And we die
knowing that we found that little piece of magic
in a world of wandering beings
where we found heaven on earth
a forever love...


I lose myself in the darkness
with the stars as my wise lights
I escape my mind with sexual beings
to feel something when I feel nothing
I've seen too much to ever think again
about love and life
about trust and hope
about men and boys
about me giving my heart to a soul that wanders
only to find out that nothing matters
because nothing is real..,


Her desires are written in het warm breath.
Her fears lay peacefully in the scars on het skin.
Yet there is a road full of life she is ready to embark upon.
Knowing that another stomp against her heart will break her.
Love doesn't scare her off,
he scares her off,
yet she will never give up on him,
holding on to love...


I was your escape to a better world.
To being a better person.
Detached from all your fears and anxieties.
Renewed by my life and my dreams.
You were my ball and chain.
Holding me back from all my ambitions and aspirations.
Keeping me from living the life set out for me.
A better life, a life without you...


I protect myself from disappointment
so I throw my head in the air
and seduce you with sexual words
and erotic gestures.

I can have you stay the night,
but the sun will catch your deceitful ways.
Morning will wake up your guilt,
make you run.
To your wife, girlfriend or love interest.

Just another girl-next-door compared to an unicorn in a field of pageant meres..


The first hours are always easy
I'm good at goodbyes
to dive into another adventure.

Then the first day I keep myself occupied with chores and errands
with unnecessary actions to escape from my fears of fucking up.

Then by day two I doubt my feelings and thoughts.
I want to run back to safety.
I need the feeling of being with you, of feeling needed.

Then as time passes I somehow find ways of coping with losing you.
I figure out life is better without you and convince myself all is good.
But deep down, my heart still screams for your protective hands and safe chest.
Forgetting that all you gave me were false hopes,
deceitful ambitions and a promise of a life that would have torn me apart...


I love the dimples on my buttcheeks
my sad faced belly button
I love the curves on my body like I love the mole on my lip
I love the imperfection in my being
the moods creating my passionate soul
and the feminine power that stimulates me to love my strong sexuality.
And just because I love myself
I'll allow you to love me
and only when you dare to love me
will you love the way I love all of your love.

I love you.


I grew strong when my spine straightened and my fingers grew claws.
When I started to believe in the rainbow behind the back of my own eyes.
When I turned into the unicorn I strived to be.
Quirky, passionate, independent and so god damn lovable.


The moment I started to believe in the power of the wings on my back
you slammed me down
broke me up and tore me apart.
When my claws grew and my bones strengthened
you smelled my success and felt it was time to open the barely healed scars on my heart.
And when I wouldn't give in to the power of your being
you screamed me down from the top of your longs.
Trying to paralyze me
trying to stop my growth
trying to own me again.
But I belong to life, to love, to adventure, to the stars that guide my heart towards a future.


Drops of salty water tickle my nose while the waves clash into sturdy shores.
No beginning
no end
a continuous pattern sometimes rough
sometimes gentle.
No control
no boundaries
run or dive in
love like the waves do
clash into one another and be.  


I dream of my dreams being these dreamy dreams.

Where I love every love

that I love to love

and with whom I can be

every being that I am being. 


He praised her when life smoothly passed by her freshly wiped windows.
He broke her when her walls crumbled and she stumbled in her tracks.
Only for him to feed his soul with her tears.
Only for him to grow from her fears, insecurities and needs.
He damaged her when her heart was already chipped.
She let him, while secretly restructuring her being.
Until she saw a light flickering her name.
She escaped his misguiding, untruthful, bright blue eyes.


She arches her back to let him open her body.
His rugged hands find her entrance and he forces his being inside her.
She gasps, she bites her lip and she lets go.
He releases all of her pain and all of her tears.
He thrusts his being inside of her
forcing out every insecurity
every doubt
every hang up and every worry.
He takes over her body, filling it with passion.
With lustful hands he teases her skin to give in to his touch.
His eyes open to her longing mouth and he overtakes her warm flesh.
There is nothing more and nothing less then this moment and all of it wants and needs. 


Just another love note about a dying love
another poem about unsuccessful loving
another tear about a boy who wasn't meant to be.
I force myself to let go, to flow, to don't go.
To not go back to pictures of unfamiliar scenes and outtakes that never made it to real life.
To dreams that never happened and to a future that wasn't in the stars for us.
Nicknames too sweet to repeat yet words too harsh not to remember.
Actions opposite of everything I believe in and motives I never knew one could create. 


You ripped open every little healed scar that I've been nurturing season after season.
You paralyzed my being, gasping for every bit of oxygen to feed my livelihood.
'Just breath' she says, the Viking inside of me with bleeding nails from fighting the demons of your remains. 
I can today, only in this moment look up and attempt to take a step to the now.
To being here, being ok, being better without you. 


Once it's lost, it's lost.
Once it's broken, it's broken.
Once you're gone, you're gone...
without looking back
without another chance
without any drops of remaining love.
That's it and I'll dwell, yet again, in the past.
In dreams and idealizations that are too ideal for reality.
It didn't work, it will never work, it wont ever work, but why do I want it so badly to work?


Flashes of your body pressed against my pale skin.
Your moan sounds like a howl for life.
Your tongue discovers the curves of my body, leaving it longing for you to enter me.
To thrust your hard being inside my wet wanting.
My nipples show you I'm ready for you to come inside me, hard, then soft, then harder.
I beg for you to go faster while you tease me with a foreign rhythm.